Marty's road wisdom...

Marty's setup: self-designed windshield "headwinds are a thing of the past! and I can sail with a tailwind!!!"; OJ-for quick calories- he tries to ingest 6000 per day; old skateboarding shoes, two blown out knees; no riding shorts or riding gear of any sort; original 1976 tires- "ridden the coast 3 times without a flat- Michelins!"- "I've got TIRES older than you, teenybopper!!"; no tent- just a plastic 'pallet cover' he slides into. He says bike touring is inherently miserable and it's futile to try to make it comfortable. Has a point there...

Marty's philosophy: Don't be lazy about making your life interesting!! He tells this to every young person he meets. He certainly walks his talk: owner of a fertilizing company, he wanted to somehow distinguish his bag of manure from the next, so he contracted his nephew to draw a pinup girl to print on the bag. In the drawings, he has hidden codes that, if cracked, lead to buried treasure!! He has buried five steel plates, all in places no one has ever set foot, which can be exchanged with him for cash. The thing is that he hasn't told anyone about it. He is waiting for someone to notice the hidden code in the artwork and then contact the company and ask about it. He figures, after that, the hype will grow through word of mouth. The first plate is worth $250 at the moment, but he says the value will grow the longer the treasure goes undiscovered. He's going to mail me all five different bag designs. Treasure will be mine!!! Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!

Marty has also spent the last 25 years developing a light-up hockey puck (after all, he's Canadian, eh). Speedo is currently in negotiations with him to purchase the design and mass-produce it. He's going to send me one of those too. Could be an interesting Christmas...